At first glance, Dorrian is a pretty typical 7-year-old boy: active, curious, and goofy. When I first met him at our parent orientation, we encouraged him to draw pictures, while we scrambled to occupy the other 8 kids there. He seemed smart, well behaved– just another boy we would eventually match with a mentor.As it turns out, Dorrian wasn’t “just another boy.”
Upon interviewing him and his mom, Shenida, I learned that they had experienced a loss that no young family should have to go through. The previous December, less than four months before, Shenida had lost her husband and father of their 5 children. His death was unexpected and devastating.
Near the end of their interview, we asked Shenida and Dorrian: what were they looking for in a Big Brother? Dorrian informed us that he would like his Big to be “an Alpha,” like his dad. His dad had been a member of the African American fraternity, Alpha Phi Alpha.
A few months later, Shenida took matters into her own hands to make this happen. She contacted the National Alpha Phi Alpha President to tell her story and plead with the Alphas, as national partners with Big Brothers Big Sisters, to become Big Brothers, if not for Dorrian than for other boys like him.
She wrote, “I recently came across my husband’s National Bar Association Certificate. I was sad. But then I felt inspired. Because I knew I was raising the children of a smart, loving, giving, sensible, determined man. So right now I am channeling my husband’s determination. I am determined to do my part in making sure my son has an Alpha for a Big Brother.
My son is 6 right now and he still listens to his mommy. My husband always said a woman can raise a man, but he really needs men to teach him to be a man. I’m not searching for a father for my son, but I am hoping for a mentor. My husband put down a good foundation for our sons, but I fear that the things he taught won’t stick as the years go on and they grow into men… And it would be good for them to see African American MEN becoming educated, working, and being stand up citizens of the community.”
Shenida’s message did not go unheard. It was forwarded, passed along, discussed. And it worked! Just a few days ago, Dorrian was matched with his very own Big Brother, Matthew, an Alpha like his dad.
Dorrian was beyond excited. He waited outside for Matthew’s arrival for over half an hour! He told us about his violin, his friends at school, how his mom makes good cakes. Then he pulled out their family album and showed Matthew their many family photos, including his parent’s wedding pictures. He proudly showed us pictures from his birth through his recent 7th birthday.
When I encouraged Dorrian and Matthew to “go talk for 10 minutes,” Dorrian informed me that he needed a lot more than 10 minutes! He was dismayed to learn that they couldn’t hang out more that day, but they did make plans for the following Wednesday.
They spent their few minutes together bonding over kid jokes and Dorrian’s “light saber,” high-fiving each other to celebrate their new friendship.
Everyone left the match meeting excited and full of hope. And even though he may not show excitement in the same way his 7-year-old Little Brother does, I think Matthew left that day knowing what great times they both have to look forward to.
